Sunday, 23 July 2017

Lets Dream

*Trigger Warning: depression/anxiety/eating disorders*

I hate close minded people. I hate that people can't just let others be. Who gives a flying shit if a girl likes another girl, or if a little boy wants to wear a flower crown. Who told us that we must be skinny in order to have a 'bikini body'? It annoys me that people just won't let other people express themselves however they want. Since when was it bad to be yourself? Who decided the rules that we have to live by?

Its because of all of these rules that I have depression, anxiety, and bulimia. I'm writing this on my blog because my family don't read it, but even if they do then come and talk to me. Don't tell me that I can't have depression because no one else in the family has it therefore I can't have it (first of all, how do you know no one else in the family has had it? And secondly, it's not hereditary).
I'm talking openly about it. I've always been an open book. Ask me anything and I'll go right ahead and tell you. Why should I be ashamed of myself? Why should anyone be ashamed of themselves. You've got mental health issues? Talk about it. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed of who you are. It's everyone else who should be ashamed or embarrassed for not listening or trying to shut you up.
I don't mean to offend anyone here, but it really annoys me that society won't just let us be ourselves. In a world where we're told to express ourselves and then get shit for doing exactly that, like, where's the point to it all?

Sometimes I have really bad MH days, where I don't want to get out of bed and go to work, and when I get to work I cry in the bathrooms because I just don't want to be there. Sometimes I eat more than I need and I don't stop until I'm sick. Or I'm sick on purpose because the fact that I've just ate all of that food makes me feel disgusting. But why should I feel disgusting for putting on a few pounds? Why should I aspire to look like the celebrities on snapchat/tv/magazines? Because that's what is pushed into our faces. Thats what we see all the time and it's what I've come to believe is 'normal'.

My mental health is weird. It's like I'm two people. I know what I have, and I know it can be dangerous. When I have my bad days, theres a voice inside my head that tells me to grow a pair, get up, and get on with life. My MH is like having a devil and an angel on each shoulder. The bad days are when the devil wins, but the angel is always there trying to convince me to steer towards the good, out of the darkness.
Should I embrace my MH? Should I be defined by it or be defined by overcoming it?

I don't feel like blogging was ever really my thing. I just like writing about stuff. I feel better when I've written things down. The whole reason I started my blog in the first place was because I didn't agree with something that I read online. Okay it was over a beauty product, but I want to keep that reason behind my blog true. I want to break the rules as it were and write from the heart.

This post is a really weird one, and one that doesn't even fit in with my blog, but I feel like this it the direction that my blog is going in. So much happens behind the screen of bloggers, and I'd like to be more open with my life on here. I may look back in the future and appreciate that I wrote it all down.
Maybe it's not for my readers, but as a reminder for myself.
Thank you if you've gotten this far. Sorry for the long winded post which didn't really have a purpose behind.

If you're suffering with any MH issues please speak to someone.


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