As soon as December hits it seems like everyone gets out their Christmas things from the loft and doesn't do anything if it's not festive. While I admit that I'm taking part in blogmas this year, I actually really dislike Christmas. There are things I do like about the season, but I'll talk about them in a different post.
One of the main reasons why I don't like Christmas is the fact that it bleeds your bank dry all for the sake of one day. When you have your own place like I do it's not just about spending money on presents. You have to buy a tree and decorations, wrapping paper, and food - all which can get very expensive. And when you have a child you want to make an effort to get the house festive so they don't feel like they're missing out.
Then theres the social media side of things. As I don't have a lot of money my tree is the smallest, skinniest tree ever, and when I go on instagram I see people with 6ft+ trees with the most beautiful decorations. I'll be honest, it makes me feel like shit.
Don't even get me started on presents. This is the first year since I moved away from my parents where I haven't had a student loan or a job to help me through the festive period. So this year I've been so low on money that we've had to go without heating for a few days because we couldn't afford the gas. I had a cry one night and was stressing so much about Christmas presents as I wanted to be able to buy William at least a few of the things on his Christmas list. I would hate him to think that Santa had missed him out this year. Luckily William knows that we don't have loads of money and he didn't ask for really expensive things - he hasn't even asked for a bike or anything. Although if Mike hadn't given me some money to get William some presents then he would have gone without this year. And Mike was only able to give me some because he had extra this month.
As a parent I feel like crap for not even being able to afford to buy my son presents. As a girlfriend I feel crap for even having to borrow money from my boyfriend to buy presents and as a sister and daughter I feel like crap for not being able to afford presents for family.
I've lived away from my family for almost 6 years now and this is definitely the worst Christmas money wise.
And then there's the actual day. I put on a brave face for William and smile with excitement for him as his opens his presents. I even put a little footprint near the tree and we leave milk and biscuits out for Santa.
But then we go to my Grandparents house with our uncles and aunties, and everyone asks about my life (like they do with everyone) but I always feel like I don't have anything to say.
Then there's the food. It's Christmas so I feel like I need to eat all day long, but I'm really self conscious about my body and I judge my body a lot. I should be nicer on myself but I just find it all stressful and unnecessary.
I don't even get to spend the day with my boyfriend as he goes off to spend the day with his family and I spend it with mine. We both get back home at the end of the day full of food and tired that we usually just put a film on or get an early night.
I just sound like I'm moaning a lot in this post but Christmas is honestly so stressful and upsetting to me. I've cried so many times and just felt so fed up and drained this month yet we're only half way to Christmas.
Sorry about this Scrooge of a post - things will be cheery tomorrow!
Is there anything you dislike about Christmas?